TheNubianLily

I am d-dun-DONE!!!

I have finished my senior year of undergrad! My grades officially came in today. Pretty pleased with myself, even though I did not meet my target cumulative GPA. I will be graduating in, count ‘em, TWO days!! Praise be to the one and only God who has brought me over every obstacle, through every good and bad situation, and has made me a member of the College of William and Mary’s alumni. I’m truly blessed. 

I have developed this habit of holding one of my boobs when I’m deep in thought. Idiosyncrasies, man.

I wonder how awkward people feel when they see me doing that lol. 

Is this real life??

Thanks be to God, I was recently accepted to the Masters in Experimental Psychology program at Towson University. I emailed my acceptance letter in yesterday. And today, I registered for my Fall 2012 classes. And I haven’t even finished my undergrad yet. Ahh!!  Is this real life??

I sure know how to pick ‘em, huh?

Complications. 

For the past few months, I’ve been living my life in such a passive manner. Looking back on it, I feel as if I were in a fog, not seeing things clearly. But really, it was just me shutting the world out. Yes, there were moments of intense clarity that jolted me out of my “fog” but those clear moments didn’t last long enough. They were the kind of moments that come along once in two months. And I can’t keep waiting two months for one good moment of pure living. This weekend though!! This weekend, I opened myself up. I forced myself out of my “fog” and stepped out into the world…forced my eyes to open and wander over my surroundings, let my mind open and investigate new things, let my heart finally accept what its worth is, and I let my soul admit just how hungry it is. I can’t go through the motions of life just letting things happen to me. I need to take control of what I can, I need to react, I need to not shut the door in the face of opportunities, I need to LIVE. I need to LIVE. 

It’s crazy when you think and fully realize how small your part of the world is in the bigger scheme of things. What’s even crazier is to think about how everything would be different if it weren’t for your small part of the world. In essence, you are insignificantly significant.

Moving on up. Opening new doors. Trying new things. Hoping for the best. 

Ever wish

you met someone before the time that you did so that they would not have met that other girl before they met you and maybe, just maybe, you two could have hit it off and maybe, just maybe, you two would be together now? No? Just me? Oh, okay. 

I am a masochist. I have to be.

Why else would I be subjecting myself to situations that hurt me? Why else would I choose to stay in those situations? Situations that only serve to increase the self-doubts, highlight the insecurities, force me to question myself, my decisions, my morals, my values, my standards…

If all these things culminated in me learning some life lesson and growing positively, I would not complain. But it is just an endless cycle that I can’t seem to escape…I don’t see that as growth. It is not. Therefore, the only plausible conclusion I can make is that I am a masochist. And I am most definitely not happy about this conclusion.